Fille Unique

In order to get to know me, my students have been given the task of asking me questions about myself. One of the first questions they ask, after my name and where I come from, is whether I have brothers or sisters. They seem a little surprised when I tell them I am a  fille unique, which is French for only child.

Why are they surprised? Maybe they've seen pictures of my twin (doll) Melissa, who has been receiving an inordinate amount of attention from my mom and all her friends since my departure. Unlikely though. The truth is that being an only child is a rarity, especially here in Perpignan (I did an informal poll, and only 2 of my 100 plus students are only children).

Never having given it much thought before, I began to reflect on what it means to be an only child. I started to break down the phrase, first in English, then in French. Only child. Only one where? Lonely girl? No, definitely not. Lone girl? Lone how?Alone? Independent? Selfish? Free? Fille unique. Unique girl/daughter. Unique how? Special? Weird? Indespensible? My train of thought had carried me away again, into a state of deeper contemplation.

When I think about it, I really am a fille unique in Perpignan. Alone (sort of), on my own, independent, and free; I make decisions for myself and I am responsible for myself. Unquestionably, I am unique; in a small city like Perpignan, there are very few Americans, fewer that speak fluent French, and even fewer (if any) from Chicago. Add yoga teacher and fulbright scholar to the list, and people really don't know know what to make of me. When I meet people - whether at a café, at the movie theater, or in a yoga class - they want to know all about me, Chicago, life in America...Being unique certainly has its bright side: the attention & the interest people have in you. But it also has its occasional dark side: feeling isolated and out of place, especially when the novelty of your surroundings wears off.

I have to admit that when I got off the train in Perpignan for the first time two weeks ago, for a split second I was terrorized. For the first time it really hit me that I was in q strange place across the globe from home, where I knew nobody and nobody knew me. Where I had no idea what was going to happen or what my life would look like. Having lived abroad before, I learned that there are things you can (and should) do to make yourself feel more at home and to give yourself a sense of stability.  

Start simple: unpack. decorate your room with pictures and posters from home. get a cell phone. open a bank account. get a bus pass and/or bike for easy travel around the city. subscribe to a magazine. get a punch card at a local cinema. Then you can get more advanced: go on a guided walking tour of the city. pick a café to make 'your own'. identify the best fruit and vegetable stalls at the local market. make some friends. join associations (i.e. volunteer organisations; hiking clubs; yoga studios). get a side job (i.e. teaching yoga, giving english lessons). Over time, you find your place and you find your people. Although you are less of a novelty to those around you, you are more integrated into the community. You no longer feel so alone (if you ever did). You realize thqt wherever you go in the world, whether you know people or not, there are people to help you and support you - you just have to ask.

Basket of goodies my mentor teacher gave me upon arriving in Perpignan.

Mo room complete with posters, photos & decorations.

My first friend in Perpignan...sometimes you do have to buy your friends.

But in my opinion, spending time alone, as a fille unique in a new or foreign place, is essential.Why? Because it allows you to discover who you really are. What you like. What you know. What you are afraid of. What you are truly capable of. Away from the influence of people you know and trust. Without people stepping in to help you, whether or not you need it. Without having to worry about being compared to anyone else (after all, who could anyone compare you too?). Aside from fleeting moments of lonliness or nostalgia, being a fille unique is magic. At a certain point I imagine, I'll be ready to rejoin my twin sister Melissa in Chicago. But as we say in French, ça va pour l'instant.

A post card recently received from my twin, Melissa.